Money wounds originate when we’re young, according to Japan’s highly respected money teacher, Ken Honda. Starting his Money EQ program on Mindvalley, I wonder what my money wounds will reveal and how much they still run my life.
Skittles might’ve sparked my financial trauma from childhood
“No, we’re not buying those Skittles,” my mom said as she saw the 7-year-old me reach for the packet at the checkout counter of our local grocery store. “They’re expensive.”
Expensive, I remember thinking in a huff. RM1-something for candy is expensive? (That would’ve been around 40¢ in the mid-90s … I can’t remember the exact price back then but I do remember it was somewhere around this price.) But you could buy a painting that’s like thooousands.
That’s how money wounds start.
How deep do my money wounds go?
Skittles might’ve sparked my financial trauma from childhood. But how does a candy-aisle moment connect to the cancer experience I’ve unpacked while going through Mindvalley’s Waves of Pleasure and From Awesome to Flawesome?
See, in sickness, money plays a huge part. Medical bills, especially in the U.S., are so exorbitant that in 2022, 41% of adults reported being in debt because of them.
Thankfully, Malaysia has universal healthcare and a lot is subsidized. But that doesn’t mean that walking into the hospital every day during that time, I didn’t feel a tinge of anxiety about how I was going to pay for the treatment.
Doctor’s visits, chemo, radiation, medication, supplements, healthier food… When I tallied the costs a year after my cervical cancer diagnosis, the number hit five figures. The reality is, I could’ve spent something like RM1,200 (about US$285) on a three-shot vaccination and avoided the whole mess.
It’s a lot. The mess, I mean (although the money spent is a lot, too). And it’s definitely one of the reasons having cancer absolutely sucks.
There were definitely thoughts of…
Crap, how do I pay for this?
Why the f — did I stop my medical insurance?
I should’ve saved for that “rainy day.”
And that’s exactly what Ken means when he talks about money wounds. You can have the best intentions to save more, earn more, or pay things off, but those old fears and scars have a way of hijacking the moment.
Which is exactly why I’m here, sitting through 24 lessons with Japan’s most respected money teacher. Because if anyone can help me untangle Skittles from chemo bills, it might just be a man named Ken Honda.
Wait, money wounds?
If you haven’t figured out by now, money wounds are the emotional scars you pick up in childhood from experiences with money. That could look like…
- Hearing “we can’t afford that” on repeat, planting fear or shame around wanting things. (Can’t afford the Skittles, pshhh…)
- Watching parents fight about bills, wiring tension and conflict into your nervous system. (Thankfully never experienced this.)
- Being compared to “richer” or “poorer” relatives, leaving you anxious or guilty about what you have. (Oh for sure…)
- Getting scolded for “wasting” money, which can make you feel guilty even about small purchases later. (Yes, definitely.)
- Receiving mixed messages, like being told money is evil while also being told to chase it. (Raising my hand up high, if you wanna know.)
- Experiencing sudden financial loss, like a parent losing a job, leaving a mark of instability. (Not a parent losing a job, but my dad cutting me off financially.)
- Being praised only when you saved or earned, linking your self-worth to money performance. (Oh yea, preaching to the choir.)
According to Ken, these hurts pile up and even get passed down through families. One peer-reviewed study found that early experiences strongly shape how much stress or anxiety you feel about money as an adult.
“A lot of people, by the time they reach 30 or 40, they’re filled with money wounds,” Ken adds.
Which really makes me wonder: how much of my money stress today is really mine, and how much is just generational trauma replaying itself?
Next up: the messy truth about my relationship with money, and why it feels more like therapy than finance class.
And you?
Maybe you’ve carried money anxiety for so long you’ve stopped questioning it. Or maybe you catch yourself repeating money habits you know don’t serve you, but can’t quite shake.
If that’s you, I see you.
I’m creating space for conversations where money isn’t just numbers on a spreadsheet, but the scars, fears, and stories we carry with it.
So if you’ve ever wondered how deep your own money wounds go, or if healing them feels like the missing piece, send me a message. Let’s talk. xo